Delicious Food

Stalzy's Reuben + National Sandwich Day = Math. No, Food.

2011-11-02T15:22:00.003-05:00

Hey, have you guys every heard of sandwiches? If you answer "no," I'll know you never bothered to read my epic and magnificent blog from last year, compiling all the sandwiches I'd eaten over a couple of years. And if that's the case, I think I owe you a Purple Nurple. Or a Nipple Cripple - I hear that's what they call them in Ireland. Well, an important holiday is upon us - National Sandwich Day is tomorrow! I hope you all celebrate by eating a sandwich at each meal. Come on, it's not hard. Put in some effort - this is the most major holiday we even HAVE.

Here in Madison, a city I visit quite often due to its proximity to my hometown of Sandwich, IL, as well as it's numerous and delicious food choices, a new deli has arrived in town. Stalzy's Deli on the east side of town has inhabited the building formerly housing Africana and about a zillion other businesses I can't remember. Research to find out what businesses? Um...no thanks. That requires work, see? And it's National Sandwich Day tomorrow, and I don't have time for this! Back to Stalzy's: awesome. Since I've only ever eaten one item from there, the reuben, I can't really call this a restaurant review. Instead, I'll call this what it is: sexy pictures of food and vague descriptions, interspersed with my personal and somewhat unprofessional opinion. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Here is the sandwich. The bread is toasted perfectly and leaves a bit of grease on your hands. You might want to forgo the small, thin napkins they give you and just lay down a towel on your lap. Tiny and numerous napkins will only detract from the sandwich eating.

The best part of this reuben is the balance of ingredients. If you've met me, you know I get a little funny about certain meats sometimes. Like, if there's ever a funny bite, I'll need to pull out all of the meat and just eat the cheese and sauce on bread. Not the case here at Stalzy's, my friends. The meat is tender and flavorful, and perfectly...um...cooked? Brined? What even is this meat? Whatevs, it's really incredible.

There is plenty of sauerkraut, but not too much cheese and dressing. Now, this was a big surprise to me, but I found these amounts to be just right. Usually, alls I want it extra cheese and extra sauce, but not in this case. The smaller amount of sauce doesn't make the bread soggy. The cheese doesn't overwhelm the meat or sauerkraut. The sandwich isn't giant, but it is so very filling. See, food can be like a complicated math equation. Which means math is cool. Get it?

This meal was impeccably completed by the addition of potato salad, a pickle, and a Dr. Brown's cream soda. Yes, impeccably. Because I chose them, duh. But really, it's because of Stalzy's. I know, I sound like such an ass-kisser in this, but I guess you now know the true way to my heart: an amazing reuben. And Stalzy's made it, so...suck it, everybody else.
Happy National Sandwich Day! Go visit Stalzy's tomorrow, or your favorite local deli or sandwich shop. Remember: a sandwich for 3-4 meals a day is not just a possibility, it is a dream come true! It's also an order, directly from me. Do it.

Democracy is Delicious!

2011-03-09T12:27:00.004-06:00

So. I've been spending some time in Madison, Wisconsin again. But listen guys, this has not been my usual visit of pleasantries, filled with delicious food and delicious and/or affordable beverage; no, guys, there's actually something else going on here besides deliciousness. I didn't believe it at first either, but when I got here, oh boy. There is, for lack of better words, some shit going down here in the fine city of Madison. Serious shit. And it ain't so delicious.

Hopefully you're slightly or more-than-slightly informed on the happenings in Wisconsin for the last 24 days. I mean, you're alive, so you should be. Short version: a total douche who ran on a false agenda got elected as the new governor and - huge jump - six weeks into his term started attacking public sector workers in a grand attempt to begin eliminating the middle class. Too vague, eh? Read more here. So, needless to say, I've been in Madison, marching and yelling and witnessing some incredible people doing incredible things. If you've never been to this city, get here now and watch this all continue to unfold. It is truly amazing.

Whew! Okay, I got all my feelings out. So sensitive sometimes. Jeez. My point, people, my POINT, is that Madison has some damn good food. I've gone ahead and done all the work for you (what else is new?!) and mapped out some of the places you'll want to hit while protesting. Let's start with breakfast, because it's the first meal of the day, and it's tied for one of my top five favorite meals of the day, so we might as well start here.

Daisy Cafe and Cupcakery - 2827 Atwood Ave.
Oh god, this place is good. Listen, you can get breakfast or brunch or lunch or dinner (on certain nights), whatever you fancy, but then, you can top it all off with a cupcake! These cupcakes are visually impressive, and look, to be honest, I'm not picky about dessert. Most desserts taste good. These cupcakes taste good. Just get one at the end of your meal, alright?

Here's a delicious chorizo omelet with avocado, salsa, and pepperjack cheese. Fruit and potatoes on the side.

Sometimes certain foods are so delicious that you need two pictures. The insides/guts/soul of the omelet:

Huevos rancheros with scrambled eggs. Delish.

A lemon meringue cupcake. Lemon meringue!!! Come on!

Okay, this is...let me think...a banana pecan cupcake with chocolate/peanut butter frosting. Yes, I'm serious! But I bet you're wondering what this cupcake would look like cut down the middle.

There. That's what it would look like cut down the middle. You're welcome.

El Dorado Grill - 744 Williamson St.
Another place you might want to try for brunch is the Eldorado Grill. They only have brunch on Sundays, though, so plan ahead. Plus, you'll be serenaded by a real live cowboy (at least that's what I imagined him to be), Catfish Stevenson. He plays there every other Sunday, so check the schedule.

Yeah, so...I wish I could tell you what this is. But I cannot. Sometimes the eating is more important than the listening and paying attention.

This, though! I can tell you what this is! THIS is a blueberry bacon pancake. Oh god. So delicious. So many tastes. Bacon and blueberries. Ugh. Good ugh, though.

Those look good and all, I know, but you'll probably just want to go ahead and order the Eldorado eggs. Poached eggs atop corn cakes with bacon, tomato, and scallion-lime cream sauce.

And again, a second picture to illustrate the greatness. What you'll want to do is create the Perfect Bite, meaning a bit of corn cake, egg, bacon, tomato, scallion, and some sauce, all at once. Flavor country! Cigarettes! No, wait. Brunch!

La Brioche - 2862 University Ave.
Some of you may be the fancy kind. In that case, you'll want to try La Brioche. Their website has a whole section about the feng shui of the restaurant. You can go ahead and read it. I'll be over here at the bakery counter.

Here's a pastry that's called...well...a brioche. Real creative, guys.

This is another creatively named pastry: Cheese Danish. There are few things in this world I love more than the perfect cheese danish. Look at this one! So much cheese! Good amount of frosting. Pastry is soft but not too soft. Perfect for brunch dessert.

This is a goat cheese, spinach, and roasted tomato omelet with a side of salad, bread, and BACON. I put the BACON is capital letters because of its importance. This BACON is some of the best BACON I've ever had.

You can also get lunchie items here (as well as dinner, but we're talking about earlier meals right now, okay?) like this beat salad with french onion soup. Meh, looks delicious. But I remember all that BACON I ate and I'm happy with my choice.

Old Fashioned - 23 N. Pinckney St.
Okay, so we've got breakfast covered - you gotta get your energy up for the long day of marching, right? Well, you'll also probably need a snack at some point in your day. Here are a bunch of places that are all either right on the square or about a block off it.

You can always head over to the Old Fashioned - good for any meal of the day, and their kitchen stays open relatively late. Oh, plus, they have SO many things to eat and drink. So many.

This...is a beer. That is all.

This is a cider. Sort of looks like a beer, but does not sort of taste like a beer. Be careful.

Listen, if you go to the Old Fashioned, you should really get their cheese curds. Yes, they're greasy and filling and will give you gas - dude, they're deep fried lumps of cheese. What do you expect? Even it out with a nice salad.

Then get a cheese plate. The Old Fashioned has a deal where you can get a serving of Hook's 15-Year Cheddar on any cheese plate for just $4. Pricey, you say? Nope. A pound of this incredible cheese can cost over $60. This cheese was literally aged for 15 years and was just released (from its slumber) last year. Get this cheese. You won't regret it.

You'll also want to try out one of the Lazy Susan's. This one had two kinds of salami, braunschwiger, deviled eggs, cole slaw, bread and butter pickles, and plenty of crackers and bread.

Oh, the combinations you can make when you put this all together! The genius, the creativity, the delicious flavors! Yes, it's hard work, but it's worth it.

Graze - 1 S. Pinckney St.
Another place on the square, probably for you fancies again, is Graze.

Look at this giant pretzel with various dipping mustards. Look at it! Then eat it.

Oh whoops, more cheese curds! These ones are giant and come with a rich dipping sauce. You probably only need 3 or 4 of these. Try and share them.

Well...then you had to go and order the mac and cheese. Well done, smarty. Because you're probably lactose intolerant and forgot your Lactaid pills! Jeez. Well, you'll pay for it later, but you'll also proclaim that "it was worth it." So, I have much respect for you. Good work.

A boozey coffee drink. Could there be a better drink? Some orange flavored stuff and some coffee and one more booze made this drink delectable, and obviously, very memorable.

The Paradise - 119 W. Main St.
Not so fancy, eh? Go to The Paradise. Have a bloody mary. Eat something greasy. Make friends with some punks. You'll be fine.

The Plaza - 319 N. Henry St.
Sometimes people like things so much that they order two of them. Like plaza cheeseburgers. They have this sauce on them - Place Sauce, naturally - that's made of sour cream and green things and maybe some ranch-like dressing. Oh lord, they're good.

Aaaaannd...some more cheese curds. With a side of plaza sauce. Don't hate.

Muramoto - 225 King St.
Muramoto, eh? Sushi, eh? MADISON, EH? If you want sushi, go here. I mean, whatever, go to any sushi places. I just like this one a lot.

This was a bunch of vegetarian rolls.

And this was a bunch of non-vegetarian rolls. It's pretty simple, guys. Get what you want.

Okay, let's move on over to the east side of Madison. If you ask anybody what the east side is like, they'll probably say something about damn hippies. They're probably right. But, wah wah, hippies know how to eat, apparently!

Mildred's - 827 E. Johnson St.
For a quick sandwich, head on over to Mildred's on E. Johnson. This one has roast beef, turkey, lettuce, cucumbers, some kinds of cheese, some dressing, all on a whole wheat pita. I think I sampled this one whilst on my worldwide sandwich quest. It did well.

Ha Long Bay - 1353 Williamson St.
So. Do you like Vietnamese food? How about Thai food? How about Laotion food? How about all of it and a ten-page menu? Yeah. You like that.

An iced coffee. Look at those colors!

This is what I like to call a double decker taco spring roll. You see, this looks like just a regular spring roll, but inside lays a fried Vietnamese egg roll. Double decker!!! Don't be stupid; order this.

Cucumber salad. It's delicious. Even this picture is delicious.

Tofu pad see-eew. Just a bunch of wide rice noodles and tofu and egg and vegetables all in this incredibly delicious sauce on a plate onto a fork into your mouth. No big deal.

This is a yellow curry or something. Look, I lose track after awhile. It was delicious, duh.

This thing. I don't know what it was. But what I do know is that the noodles are crispy and when you get the plate in front of you, you start to push the noodles into the sauce and they begin to soften and it's just wonderful.

Now check out this meal. It's called Bun, and although it's more of a summer dish, I encourage you to order it whenever the hell you feel like it. It's basically the ingredients from that double decker taco spring roll but all in a bowl! Rice noodles, lettuce, bean sprouts, mint, cucumber, cilantro, and chopped up egg rolls, all covered by a delicious sauce and diced peanuts. Double decker taco spring roll in a bowl. Like a KFC famous bowl, but good and not disgusting.

Sardine - 617 Williamson St.
One more for you fancies: Sardine. Don't be put off by the name - their menu is much more extensive than their title. For example: some kind of cakes. Crab? Croquette? I have no idea. But, delicious.

Again, no idea. Some kind of white fish? Sorry, I must've been all protested out at this point and just concerned with eating. You know. Like usual.

Glass Nickel Pizza - 2916 Atwood Ave.
So there have been several local businesses that have been donating food and drink (among other things) to the protestors here. I can't list all of them - that's how many there are - but I'll highlight this one: Glass Nickel Pizza. Glass Nickel is a Madison staple and serves, besides pizza, salads, sandwiches, chicken, wings, fish, appetizers, and um...booze.

Here we have a nice double decker set up with a ranch pizza on the bottom and some other pizza on the top. Let me just tell you this: the ranch pizza has ranch dressing instead of marinara. Yep. Sounds so disgusting, tastes so delicious. Well, for like 1-2 slices only. Topped with chicken, bacon, red onion, and tomato.

Okay, let's wind down now with some desserty items:
Weary Traveler - 1201 Williamson St.
The Weary Traveler is another great anytime place to eat. They have a diverse menu and their kitchen is open on the later end. We snagged a dessert here: cinnamon apple cheesecake? I think? It was SO GOOD. In the past, I've been reluctant to profess my love for cheesecake at the risk of inevitable and offensive comparisons to Cathy, but eff it. I love it too much to hide it.

Macha Tea House - 1934 Monroe St.
I'm not much of a tea drinker, usually. I prefer my beverages to have a bit more personality. Personality meaning, of course, sugar or booze or caffeine. But after all the action here in Madison, I needed some time to chill the hell out. So I went to Macha and enjoyed a cherry-flavored tea with, yes, another cupcake. Very peaceful. Very different for me. I'll probably only do something like this once a decade. Nevertheless, well done, Macha!

DB Infusions - 550 N. Midvale Ave.
Do you like chocolate? Do you like art? No? Well, still go here. Each chocolate is a work of art, visually, and...what's the word? Taste-ish-ly? Treat yourself here, specifically with this one on the right. It's called Exotic Caramel and is infused with mango and passionfruit puree. On the top 10 list of best foods I've ever had. Ever.
Another option - take it to go! They're pricey little numbers, but if you like chocolate, it's worth it. You'll later thank me for this encouragement.

One last thing: I know some of you may be critical of my kind demeanor and helpful attitude throughout this blog. Well, what can I say? Democracy is delicious. It makes me a little gentler, a littler more peaceful, a little less...of a jerk, I guess. But man, if this ever ends, watch out. I'll go back to being a total knob no matter what the outcome. Worry not - you'll once again be berated and bossed around. Someday...

Super Bowl Parties: Competitive Snacking

2011-01-23T13:48:00.004-06:00

The Chicago Bears are playing the Green Bay Packers today. Seeing as I have spent my lifetime nearly equally split between Illinois and Wisconsin, you'd think that it would be an exciting day for me. Well, it's not. I sort of don't care. What I expected to be huge amounts of excitement at the prospects of my two home-state teams playing each other has only resulted in apathy and feelings of laziness. The exciting history, rivalry, and energy of these two teams is doing nothing for me today.

You know why? Because today isn't even the Super Bowl! You see, the snacks at Super Bowl parties totally outdo snacks on almost any other day. Today is just that: any other day. That's right; I'm saving up my excitement for 2 weeks from now, when the actual Super Bowl happens. Today? Just a tease. Thoughts of weak beers and sad, store-bought dips fill my mind. Yeah, that's probably what all you suckers are subsisting on today. I understand though! I'm a very compassionate and understanding person, you know. You probably need to save your money and energy for February 6th for all the huge and delicious parties you'll be hosting - and inviting me to, correct? And I'm really hoping that you pull out all the stops. I'm picturing baked phyllo dough-based appetizers, various meats (hopefully in bite-sized form, perhaps on toothpicks), 5-6 different dips with both chip and vegetable options, something with melted cheese, and baked goods. Not to mention a plentiful selection of drinks!

Last year, I attended a Super Bowl party in Chicago, hosted by some of the stout men that have accompanied me on such adventures as Hot Doug's, Eating an Entire Awesome Blossom, and Family Dinner in the past. These are brave and hungry men (and some ladies in there too, also brave and hungry!), and they know how to throw down, snack-style. Check these pictures from that party:

First of all, they had a giant-screen television and a tall, lanky guy in a Bears jersey. The atmosphere was set. Not pictured: comfy couches. Great ambiance.

Chips and various dips.

The close-up reveals spinach dip, mango salsa, and guacamole.

Puffy Cheetos! These'll hurt the roof of your mouth a bit, so take it easy. If you even can!

Pigs in a blanket. Man, I love pigs in a blanket. I could eat hundreds of these.

Mostaccioli! Baked with extra cheese on top. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Wings. WINGS! I'm pretty sure these were from Buffalo Joe's, which I've been loving on since about 1995.

Meatballs! Like I mentioned earlier - on toothpicks. Delicious and easy to eat!

Hmm. Pot stickers. Anything goes!

A pizza! I think it was from CostCo. One of the stout men's moms brought this to the party. See, there were cute aspects of the party, too! Moms!

Italian beef. Delicious Italian beef, soaking in it's own juices. You place some of this on a nice, crusty bread, drop more of that meat juice on top, and eat it up. Ugh, my mouth is watering. Beef!!!

Beer. Actually, a pretty wonderful Wisconsin beer. Even those Chicago kids have to admit it - it's damn tasty.

My contribution: banana cupcakes with peanut butter frosting. Holy crap, I'm SO AMAZING!

Cut up fruit and pound cake. I know, I was skeptical too. But it came with a whipped cream-based dip (off to the side there). Dessert with dip! It's like two perfect things combined to make one more epic entity. Beautiful.

I think it's very possible that I may have been spoiled last year by this Chicago Super Bowl party. Man, the Bears weren't even playing and these people did it up. Imagine what would happen if the Bears were actually in the Super Bowl this year! I envision blue and orange jello shots, a remake of "The Fridge" burger from Ditka's restaurant, and perhaps actual bear meat. Wait, that bear meat would suck. Maybe I'd prefer that the Packers win and I attend a Wisconsin party: cheese and beer and fried cheese and cold beer and beer-battered cheese and maybe some kind of carb product in there somewhere, But wait! Chicago is famous for hot dogs and pizza and Italian beef - so many of my favorite things! On the other hand, Wisconsin has it's delicious fish fry and it's extensive collection of food on a stick. So many delicious choices...

Ugh, I'm so torn! I have no idea who I want to win this stupid game today! One more extremely important point: Packers is short for "Meat Packers," which is obviously hilarious, so points to them. But! The Bears had the Super Bowl Shuffle, so points to them! You can see my dilemma, right? What a difficult and challenging life I lead.

New Years - You'll Do

2011-01-01T17:59:00.011-06:00

So, New Years, eh? Yeah, not at the top of my list of favorite holidays. Come on now; it's not at all based around food! I mean, yeah, there's usually food involved, but it's not based completely on food like the famous holiday of Thanksgiving. Now that's a good one. So I went into this New Year's with few expectations and somewhat low energy. However! As soon as I saw the spread of food and drank at the party I attended, I immediately gave more of an eff. So easily swayed...

My favorite item of the night was a Nutella-based dessert. The thing about Nutella is that it's pretty much going to be delicious no matter what you do with it. I mean, really, you could dip pickles in it and it would still rule. With foods like this, foods that always taste amazing, it's difficult to make it better, so you really have to get creative and/or use your resources. I enjoy using the internet. It's on computers now! My companion and I found a recipe for Nutella-banana empanadas, so obviously, we made the shit out of them.

First, you mix the bananas and empanadas in a bowl. Easy enough, right?

Then you put a blob of it in some refrigerated pie dough you bought at the grocery store.

Next, make it like a pocket and pinch the edges to make it cute.

Then pretend they're raviolis. Wah wah! So funny.

Put them on a baking sheet, freeze for 15 minutes or more, then bake.
Empanadas were a good choice.

There was some more food involved, although those empanadas really took the top prize. I'm all about appetizers and desserts only, which is why I loved this party spread. Sometime you just don't want to eff around with main courses, you know? So, I give you, mostly appetizers. And one more dessert:

Ginger-rosemary cookies. The smell is nearly as good as the taste. Nearly. Not totally. I'm not stupid.

Crackas! White people love these.

Olive tapenade on little hard breads.

Garlic, olive oil, goat cheese, and marinara.

Guacamole and hummus in an eggplant shaped dish. I know, there's a lot going on in this picture, but trust me, it's okay. They didn't touch.

I know. I'm bored too.

Heirloom cherry tomatoes with basil leaves and mozzarella balls on toothpicks. Salt and pepper and drizzled olive oil on top.

Oh hay girl, a salami and cheese plate!

Let's get a close-up on a masterpiece. There's guacamole under there! Genius.

Baked macaroni and cheese with gouda and prosciutto.

Oh yeah, booze.

Alright, New Years, you'll do. You're no Thanksgiving, but I won't hate. You did good.

The Elusive Leftover Sandwich

2010-12-26T13:29:00.014-06:00

Okay. As much as I love the holidays and the food and the eating, it can get a bit stressful at times. So many people invade your home, all needing to sit somewhere and drink something and eat everything. Don't get me wrong; it's not like I help a lot or make myself useful or anything. Usually during the Christmas, I'm laying on the couch or skulking around on the second level of whatever house the party is in, pretending to be in the bathroom or entertaining children so that I can get out of washing dishes. Yes, it's a tough job, this laziness, but you gotta work at it. At not working. Hmm...let me think that one over.

In the meantime, you can think this one over: The Elusive Leftovers Sandwich. This is, without a doubt, my favorite part of the holidays. Well, it's at least comparable to receiving a gift basket filled with food and booze. Apparently in Ireland, this is called a hamper. That's what the Irishwoman looking over my shoulder tells me. Who knew?! Anyhow, due to the aforementioned stress of the holidays, I really tend to hold out for the day after Christmas. You sleep late, you stay in your pajamas all day, and maybe you even watch some sports. Look, I said maybe. Don't judge; the football game is sometimes entertaining. Anyhow, you do all of these things, and all of a sudden the most amazing thing happens. You get hungry. You look in the fridge, Your eyes begin to survey the tupperware containers full of leftovers, and very slowly, your brain starts to put things together. You imagine layers in certain orders, different textures, colors, tastes...Your mouth waters and you cut the crap and you get to work. That's how it goes. I am no-nonsense when it comes to The Leftovers Sandwich, and you had better be too. Jerks

So, you're going to need some leftovers. And a toaster over. And a non-stupid brain, because if you know what's good for you, you're going to want this sandwich. I don't have pictures of the first couple of steps (because I was too excited and eager to make this sandwich, duh), but I'm sure you can figure it out. Get some bread - this is a nice sourdough - and slice it into some slices. Then layer your leftover turkey on the bread, and top it with a healthy (read: gigantic) serving of bread stuffing. Now you have an important choice to make: cheese or no cheese? I'll be honest; if you say no cheese, I'll be judging you immediately. Use cheese, guys. I chose some havarti, leftover from the salami and cheese tray we had yesterday. Put this half of the sandwich in the toaster oven for a few minutes. The two on the left have followed my directions; the one on the right used gouda cheese. I'm not complaining.

Allow the cheese to melt without getting too melty. You know, somewhere in between. Look, if you don't understand me now, you probably never will.

Here's where the magic happens: places one or two layers of crunchy potato chips on top of the melted cheese. Krunchers work the best, but really, any chip will do. I tend to stick with regular, unflavored chips for The Leftovers Sandwich, only because there are so many other flavors in the damn sandwich. But if you're adding a potato chip layer to any other sandwich, you can really do amazing things with flavored chips. My favorite is sour cream and onion on a cold turkey sandwich, preferably with provolone, guacamole, lettuce, and tomatoes. It is ridiculous. Seriously, put potato chips in your sandwich once in awhile. You'll thank me later. Hopefully with a chip-filled sandwich.

Now hopefully while the sandwiches were in the toaster oven, you remembered to put a bowl of gravy in the microwave to warm up. Yeah, I know I didn't tell you to do that yet. But I can't do everything for you, man! You've got to figure out some things on your own once in awhile. One thing I will do for you at this moment: show you some gravy-pouring action shots. Holy crap, look at that gravy pour!

Okay, put that half of the sandwich aside and get out your other piece of bread. Spread a thin layer of cranberry sauce on this side. I say thin because I'm not a huge fan of cranberry sauce, but it adds a good flavor. Plus, it's fruit, and that means health, and you could probably use some of that, the way you eat. Ya hoss.

You could probably guess the next step, but here it is anyhow: put that one piece of bread on top of the rest of the sandwich to make the final package. Push down on it so the gravy oozes out.

Cut it in half so you can enjoy it without being overwhelmed. The goodness of this sandwich is a lot, I know.

Sides are a really good idea. I chose macaroni and cheese and brussel sprouts. I know, a vegetable - surprising, right? Well, I like most foods that cause gas, so you can all eat it. Literally.

Speaking of health, here's an acceptable alternative to The Leftover Sandwich: The Open-Faced Leftover Sandwich With Sides of Salad-Based Foods. You get a little less carbs and more vegetables. I know, it's hard not to judge, but do your best. There is still a side of macaroni and cheese on that plate. All is not lost.
And there you have it! The Leftovers Sandwich. It's useful, resourceful, non-wasteful, and delicious. And usually I'm only one of those things. Must be a Christmas miracle.

Thanksgiving With Foreigners: The Leftovers

2010-11-29T09:53:00.004-06:00

You know who knows how to eat? I mean, really knows how to eat. Foreigners. Man, I spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of these guys this year, and it was a doozy. Not only are there the regular Thanksgiving staples, but there are tons of extras here and there. Like, you'll be surveying the table and your eyes will scan across the bowl of mashed potatoes, the giant pile of stuffing, and finally land on...biryani. Or then, you'll reach for a couple of helpings of turkey, but also pick up some bourek on your way. "What are all these things?!" you're probably exclaiming right now. "What are these strange words that I'm not used to? We're in America. I don't try new things! I'm boring and unadventurous! I wear the same sweatsuit every day. All I talk about is sports and Nickelback." Well. Look at you. Being a jerk, as usual. Man, sometimes you have to TRY. I know it's hard, but occasionally it's worth it! Just trust me. Try.

Anyhow, I digress in my lectures to you. One of the best parts about sharing Thanksgiving with foreigners is that they are damn pushy about eating. Oh, so you're on a diet? No problem - eat more. Had dinner already at your girlfriend's family's house? That's okay, here's Dinner Two. Already had 4 helpings, did you? Get ready for 5, 6, and 7. These foreigners are no nonsense. And! Check this out: they'll give you leftovers! I mean, not exactly "give;" more so "force upon you." They'll pack them up into old plastic yogurt containers and various sized ziploc bags and before you know it, you'll be driving back home with a trunk full of smells and bags and food for the next week.

Here's the bourek I was talking about. It's basically a pastry filled with meat and fried. These ones had chicken inside. They'll leave your hands greasy, so use plenty of napkins. Or, just say screw it and lay a giant towel across your lap. It'll come in handy later.

Potato chop. In a plastic bag, which is how it was handed to me. Potato chop is meat stuffed inside potatoes and, you guessed it, fried.
Here it is cut open.

Some kebabs neatly organized on top of a pile of rice. If you leave the meat on the rice for long enough, a bunch of meat flavor and juices soak into the rice and the rice is probably the most amazing tasting rice you'll ever have.

White beans. In red sauce. That's all I know about this one. This is the other thing about foreigners: sometimes you receive a tupperware full of a stew-like thing and you just have to eat it. Probably on top of rice.

This is the biryani! This one has rice, chicken, other meat, peas, hard boiled eggs, and delicious spices. The flavors of this - oh lord, the flavors!

Here's another lookie. Now that's a tall drink of...biryani. Hmm.

This is stuffed cabbage. Probably one of the more unappetizing looking dishes. However! It is also one of the best tasting! The meat inside is a combination of pork, beef, and something else, and there were little slices of ham laying on top of the cabbage to give it extra flavor. Ridiculous.

Sometimes foreigners like to turn leftover meat into gyros or shawerma the next day. Why leave meat as is? Why not challenge yourself and make meat into other meat that tastes even better? Thusly, homemade shawerma:

Here is my entire leftovers dinner from last night. Notice all the fried stuff? I was also provided with ample pita bread and baba ganoush to balance out the meal. And to make me more gassy. I mean, seriously, who can even go to work or have a social life after eating like this? Not me.
So, with that in mind, I'll be here in my apartment for the next 4 days, eating and not talking to anybody face-to-face. Because man, this food is doing a number on me. But really when you think about it, I guess this the only way to follow up Thanksgiving awesomely. More eating. More digestive issues. More everything.

Happy Thanksgiving, fools.

xoxo, Delicious Food

The Mythological Beast, The One, The Only, The Legendary...OLE TURKEY BOOBS

2010-11-25T14:57:00.003-06:00

Just a reminder that this exists:

Happy Pranksgiving, jerks!

Delicious Food vs. Some Doctor, or A Very Special Thanksgiving

2010-11-23T22:26:00.002-06:00

Man, why do people have to mess with stuff that is just fine the way it is?! I ask you! The Huffington Post recently published an article by Michael Roizen, M.D. about staying fit between Thanksgiving and New Year's. What the hell, man? What's everybody's problem? It's Thanksgiving, the best holiday of the year! The entire day is dedicated to eating; what could be better? Plus, this is the exact time of year I want to eat everything in sight whilst laying on the couch. It's cold out here in the Midwest, and I'm all confused from the days getting shorter, and there's good television on...why the hell shouldn't I sit around eating delicious, and possibly unhealthy, foods, maybe while falling asleep every few minutes, crumbs on my collar? Jeez.

So, to the doctor who compiled these "helpful tips," if you can even call them that, I present to you my own altered version. Now these are some real tips...BEEF tips! Wait, no, these are actual good tips on how to enjoy a wonderful and important holiday and not act like a jackass all the time.

Dr. R. says: Keep your hands occupied. Never leave your hands free at a party. Having a glass of water in one hand is a great idea.
DF says: Another great way to occupy your hands is the following: giant turkey leg in right hand and left hand unbuckling your belt to make room for more. Option 2: Serving spoon of mashed potatoes in the right hand, left hand high five-ing the other people at the table. Option 3: A sandwich so large that it takes both hands to hold it.

Dr. R. says: Hang out near the veggie table.
DF says: Near the what?! Please. Hang out near the bar, the trays of appetizers, the dinner table, the dessert counter. Anywhere but the veggie table. In fact, if there even is a veggie table at your Thanksgiving Day event, leave. Immediately. Go somewhere better.

Dr. R. Says: Buy a dessert. If you must bring a desert, buy, don't bake it. You'll be less likely to sample it before the party.
DF says: Why not do both? Make one at home, sample as much of it as you like, then buy one for a nice little car snack on your way to Thanksgiving. Why pick and choose, Dr. R? One of each, am I right??

Dr. R. says: Choose protein-rich fillers. Eat 6 walnut halves, 20 peanuts or 12 almonds (all about 70 calories of fat) 30 minutes before you go to any party or meal. They will help fill you up.
DF says: I think he means meat. Meat is protein-rich. Go make yourself a steak, fill up on that before dinner, and then enjoy the actual Thanksgiving feast 30 minutes later. You'll do fine. Don't worry, babies.

Dr. R. says: Watch what you drink.
DF says: Yep. You should watch what I drink! You'll be impressed. I'll start with a flute of champagne, then move on to a few vodka cocktails, have a glass of wine or 4 with dinner, and at the end of the night enjoy that very special creamy after-dinner drink. Like a white russian or a tequila rose or a Bailey's on ice. Yes, watch what I drink. You'll love me even more than usual.

Dr. R. says: Eye your pie before you try. Check out the entire spread before serving yourself and go through the line only once. Best choice -- pure pumpkin (has alpha-carotene, now shown to make your RealAge younger) -- and skip the crust.
DF says: Dr. R. must be confused. I think he means "Eye the pies, give 'em all a try." And by "try," I assume he is implying two to three hefty slices. Do not skip the crust. Add more crust if possible. Choose any pie that has whipped cream on it. If the pie does not have whipped cream on it, add some. Or better yet, add ice cream. Or both. Make a pie sandwich by stacking pie slices on top of one another. Have a pie eating contest. Pie, guys! PIE!!!

Dr. R says: Splurge a little at parties. It's OK to splurge a little when you're out and about. The rest of the time, eat like your normal, healthy self.
DF says: Replace "a little" with "frequently," and "parties" with "work," "home," "midnight," "the pool," "your leisure," or "parties." That's right, just be your normal, healthy self.

Dr. R. says: Try this recipe: Whole Wheat Wild Rice Cranberry Walnut Stuffing
DF says: Hell no.

Dr. R. says: Try this recipe: Mushroom Gravy
DF says: Only if I can pour it on top of my regular, meat-based, fatty delicious gravy. Double gravy! Now you're talkin'.

Dr. R. says: Cross stress off your to-do list. Shop online, stick to a budget, and don't be afraid to buy food instead of making it.
DF says: I can get behind this one. But I'd also cross off a few other things on my list, including morning jogs, low-fat anything, and veggie tables.

Dr. R. says: Start some new traditions. Get everybody together -- and away from the table -- to hang decorations, take a winter walk, play board games, belt out holiday songs or experience awe and wonder in your house of worship, at a concert, admiring Mother Nature's work, or in any other way that moves you.
DF says: I got a tradition for you, Dr. R.: Shutting Your Piehole! How about the tradition of Quit Flapping Ya Gums? This guy is a total quack.

Dr. R. says: Create a kitchen safety zone. Keep only the real, good-for-you seasonal treats in easy reach.
DF says: I'll take that and raise you a "put the chips on the couch pillow next to you and the beer in the mini-fridge under your feet and an ice cream sundae directly into your mouth and do this in every room besides the kitchen." That's right, I'm suggesting you make the other rooms in your house Awesome Zones. Bedroom awesome zone, bathroom awesome zone, garage awesome zone...you get my drift. Sure, the kitchen can be a Safety Zone (nerd) but at least the rest of the house isn't going to suck. Believe you me.

Dr. R. says: Don't skip exercise.
DF says: Do skip exercise. Some of these are very simple.

Ugh. Listen, everybody. I really hope you take some of these tips seriously. I'm worried that if we don't support this holiday, it won't last! So don't be a Thanksgiving Grinch, and please don't break my heart; eat some Delicious Food for once!

All photos borrowed from www.huffingtonpost.com.

SANDWICHES!

2010-10-24T19:20:00.034-05:00

I feel like I've been waiting for years to do this one. I'm scared and intimidated and nervous and excited and hungry and a little sleepy, but mostly ready. I'm ready. To write a blog about sandwiches.

Ah, the Elusive Sandwich. Well, not elusive, I guess. More so Easy to Find in Most Cities, Pretty Common, Mostly Regular Sandwich. Such a simple idea, yet such unique and eloquent combinations. The possibilities for sandwich recipes seem endless. I would eat sandwiches every day. I would like to have three sandwiches (or more) every day; one at each meal. A tasty egg and breakfast meat sandwich to start off, a nice cold cut with potato chip combo for lunch, and a delicious toasted version with soup or fries for dinner. What a great life.

In an attempt to calm the hell down, I pared down my sandwich pictures to a mere 44 for this entry. It was the best I could do. But before encountering these magnificent pictures, let's real quick talk about what a sandwich is. The relatively new and little-known site Wikipedia describes sandwiches in the following way:

A sandwich is a food item, often consisting of two or more slices of bread with one or more fillings between them, or one slice of bread with a topping or toppings, commonly called an open sandwich. Sandwiches are a widely popular type of lunch food, typically taken to work or school, or picnics to be eaten as part of a packed lunch. They generally contain a combination of salad vegetables, meat, cheese, and a variety of sauces. The bread can be used as it is, or it can be coated with any condiments to enhance flavor and texture. They are widely sold in restaurants and cafes.

Well. This must be why I love sandwiches so much. Look, I love carbs, i.e. bread, I really love cheese (and am totally spoiled living in the Midwest), and I freaking LOVE sauce and condiments. I do really like meat, but I can go without it once in awhile, which is why sandwiches work so well for me. I mean seriously. Carbs and cheese and sauce and sometimes meat. The most perfect combination ever in life.

Some people might consider a burger a type of sandwich. In fact, one might call it "a hamburger sandwich." You know, if one is an old lady. "I'll have a hamburger sandwich with a small cup of Orange Slice with no ice." Yep. Old lady. Anyhow, I don't really care whether or not you want to consider the burger a sandwich, but look at this:
Carbs, cheese, sauce, meat - it's all there. And it's all ridiculous. Side note: If you go to Five Guys and order a "regular" burger rather than a "small" burger, you'll get one with two giant patties on it. I couldn't finish this one so I wrapped it up and carried it around in my purse while I shopped at Target and had to finish it a couple hours later. True story.

For those of you who don't think a burger is a sandwich, what about a patty melt? It's on bread and grilled like a grilled cheese, only it has a burger inside of it.

Next question: Is this a sandwich? This is how I like to eat cupcakes. They stay neater this way, and you get more even bites of cake and frosting. Sandwich or not? You can decide.

Another very important question: Is a wrap a sandwich? Some people don't think so because they think the wrap is too much of a wiener food to be considered in the same category as the mighty sandwich. Again, I don't really care. The insides are good. The carbs could be better. Call it what you want; just calm down and let me eat, okay?

What I really love is a good make-your-own-sandwich station. These are usually found at people's houses, often at a crashed party. Platters of meats and cheeses and vegetables - you can control how much of everything goes inside the bread. Ugh, my mouth is watering looking at these next two pictures, and they're not even official sandwiches yet!
Olives are a great addition, whether they're inside a sandwich or on the outside. If you're going to put them inside, you'll probably have to cut them up real small, which takes a long time, and you're going to need some patience for that. But the reward will be worth it. Just try. For once in your life, TRY!

Speaking of making your own, I gotta say, I'm pretty damn good at that. I may not be the best cook in the world, and I may be a big lazy jerk, but I can make a delicious sandwich. Here is a breakfast sandwich made with a bagel, chive cream cheese, scrambled eggs, veggie bacon, and sauteed spinach. I bet you're all like "Holy Crap" right now. Well, you're right. It was amazing.

As an aside, I love breakfast sandwiches. Love them. These first two are from the Marigold Kitchen in Madison, WI. A simple sandwich made with a fried egg, cheddar-spiked boursin, applewood smoked bacon, tomato and green onion on toasted ciabatta. I'd say it's my favorite breakfast sandwich.

This one is a funny one because I don't think it looks as appetizing. But it was, fools! This is where I fist experienced the combination of eggs, breakfast meat, and goat cheese. Phenomenal. Don't knock it til you try it. Or I'll knock you. Believe you me, I'm serious when it comes to breakfast sandwiches. Try this.

Back to homemade for a second. Occasionally, I keep it simple with some lightly toasted bread, white american cheese, and sliced tomato. This is almost like an appetizer sandwich, but it does the job.

Here is an open-faced variety: a poppyseed bagel with cream cheese, tomato, avocado, and poppyseed sprinkled on top. You see, the poppyseeds always fall off and I have a compulsion about wasting crumbs, so I scoop them up and dump them on top. Plus, it looks good.

When I'm in a lazier mood, I'll hit up the chain restaurants. There are plenty of good sandwiches out there, and even though there have been recent changes in the size of certain sandwiches (QUIZNO'S), they still taste good. Here's the turkey, bacon, guacamole with no onions and half-eaten.

Turkey sandwich from Potbelly with lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard, and cheese. Toasted. Perfectly toasted.

Milio's Californian, which contains turkey, provolone, tomato, lettuce, and guacamole. Not the most photogenic sandwich in the bunch, but really delicious.

Einstein's turkey sandwich. By the way, I enjoy turkey sandwiches. This had sprouts on it, which sort of makes me want to barf, but they do make it look nice.

Um...okay, I'll be honest. This was from Denny's. I can't remember what was in it, but it was toasted and melty and pretty good. Don't judge.

Well, this one was actually one of my few non-successful sandwich experiences. It's a brie and tomato sandwich from Cosi. The bread was cold and hard, and the brie tasted like it was a little old. Also disappointing because I could have made this at home, and way better. It makes me think that Cosi is a bunch of jerks.

Okay, this one was a surprise. It was from Arby's! It's the turkey-bacon-ranch on this delicious bread, crisp bacon, nice fresh-tasting turkey. A really pleasant surprise. Totally not healthy, but probably a bit better for you than an effing beef & cheddar, am I right? Am I RIGHT?!

Once in awhile, I'll leave the chains behind and go for the local places. In Madison, WI there's a place called The Old Fashioned that will basically put a fried egg on anything. Here it is on a grilled cheese and bacon. Perfect. For real, perfect. Also, I'm glad I didn't die from Immediate Cholesterol that night.

Oh lord, I love a good reuben. I have no idea where any of these are from, but I know they're all local in one sense or another.

Look at those giant olives on top! Just like in the cartoons.

This is a sandwich from another place in Madison, WI called Mildred's. This sandwich, the Obreros, is roast beef, turkey breast, provolone, swiss, cucumbers and lettuce with mayonnaise and dressing on a whole wheat pita.

Top view - it's a hefty pita.

View of when you get it to go. Look at those sandwich halves, piled on top of each other.

These bagel sandwiches are from Gotham Bagels in Madison - wow, I'm just realizing how much time I spend there. Interesting. Look at how much meat!

This one went to my companion - a "vegetarian." I know, I try not to judge, but it's hard.

Okay, but this vegetarian sandwich is a whole other story. This is the stuffed grilled cheese from Alchemy in Madison, WI. Oh lord, it's good. Tons of veggies and cheese and a creamy pesto spread on thick bread.

That's the innards. When else would you want to eat innards so bad?

French Dip Sandwich! I love a sandwich that comes with a whole bowl of "dip," without which the sandwich would be incomplete. I mean, that's a good recipe right there. Make a sandwich and then dip it in something to make it whole. That's genius.

I think this is the Navajo sandwich from The Cheesecake Factory. I know, I know, but it was so good. Served on fry bread.

A roast beef po' boy from somewhere in New Orleans. Look. At. That. Meat. I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

Here we travel back to Madison for a grilled cheese from Lazy Jane's. This is havarti, tomato, avocado, and red onion on sourdough. Delicious! Served with salad, which is kind of annoying, because you don't make friends with salad. But you can totally get soup instead if you want. If you're smart.

The King Club from the Mermaid Cafe, also in Madison. That focaccia bread is so amazing.

The GBLT from Monty's Diner in Madison. I know, right? GBLT. Hehehe...Anyhow, the G is for guacamole and the other letters are what they're usually for.

Chicken salad sammich. A "healthy choice," so I don't do it very often. But this was fine.

My go-to sandwich that works every time: The Club Sandwich. I always get it with american cheese, and it's just ridiculous. It's like every processed food you could ever imagine between some crappy toasted bread. SO GOOD.

These next few are from the place that served me what is probably my all-time favorite sandwich: The Chicago Bagel Authority. Pretty boring name, I know, but listen. Just listen. This sandwich was ridiculous. They steam them, which isn't quite like toasting, or like warming it in the microwave; it's something in between. It's magic.

This is the Dirty Swede: turkey, cream cheese, bacon, colby, smoked cheddar, lettuce, tomato, and mayo on a giant roll. I know, all that cheese, plus mayo, seems a bit excessive, but um...yeah, there's nothing wrong with excess.

There's a nice side view. Good looking, fantastic tasting...great sandwich all around.

My companion on this trip got the, uh, Hide the Salami. Yeah, for real, that's what he ordered. It's "salami hidden under bacon" (straight from the menu), pepperoni, banana peppers, provolone, lettuce, avocado, and ranch.

Giant sandwich halves. I love giant sandwich halves because there's almost always more.

Well...that's all I got. 44 pictures of sandwiches. Little meanness or judgement. I guess sandwiches bring out the best in me and make me a kinder, gentler, more loving individual.

Wait. This doesn't feel right. It's just...it's not me. I'm freaking out. I gotta go. Jerks.

Ah, there it is.

xoxo, Delicious Food

Hot Doug's: A Total Sausage Fest

2010-10-22T00:14:00.020-05:00

Okay, dudes. Okay. Try and stay calm. It finally happened...FINALLY. This past weekend, I went to a total sausage fest. And I mean a TOTAL sausage fest. And you know what? I actually enjoyed myself. Holy eff...

I was visiting Chicago, a small city just southeast of Beloit, Wisconsin, when my associates and I stumbled upon quite a sight. Underneath a small, cheap looking sign that included the tag line "The Sausage Superstore" was a line of about thirty people. "What the hell could they possibly be waiting for?" I wondered. It's not as if Chicago is known for it's fine cuisine or anything. What could be so delicious that somebody would wait for thirty other people to eat before they could even order? That's just absurd...what food could be that amazing?

My curiosity piqued and my stomach growling, we pulled over and got in line. And you know what? I found the answer to that question. The answer is...stuff in hot dog and sausage form, found at a little establishment called Hot Doug's. Get it? Hot Dog? Hot Doug? Brilliant. Thank god the guy's name was Doug. Imagine if it was Gerald! What would he even do with his life?!

Anyhow, I digress. Hot Doug's effing rules. They have perfected an art...the art of encasing meat. It grosses me out to write it, and I'm sure it will gross out some of you to read it, but if only you could taste it, dudes, you'd understand. Encased meat is a GOOD thing! Whether it's wild boar, lamb, or pork for the man's man, italian or polish sausage for you foreigners, or rattlesnake, alligator, or "vegetarian" (I know...totally weird) for you exotic eaters, they've got something that will suit your fancy. And toppings abound. And it's all served in a neat little package, otherwise known as a bun. Check the menu:

I like the idea of a restaurant serving food in only one shape. Why bother getting all fancy? Just make it into a sausage. You want a steak? How about a steak-flavored sausage! It's perfect! It reminds me of the Simpsons episode when Homer eats everything in bar form, turning a pound of spaghetti and meatballs into a compact granola-bar-sized item. It's inspiring, really...in today's world, there's no time to waste! Everything should be in sausage form from now on - macaroni and cheese, pizza, fruit, vodka tonics...why not?

I mean really. An enjoyable sausage fest? This is remarkable.

Also they make their fries in duck fat, but only on the weekends. Come ON!!!
Here is one of the more popular items, the Chicago Dog: a grilled hot dog with tomato, relish, onions, mustard, pickle, and celery salt.
Another picture of The Chicago Dog. Classic.

The Irish Banger. With yellow mustard and cheddar cheese. BANG! This rocked

A lamb sausage with cheese on it. Rumor has it that "it tastes just like a mild kebab."

The reuben one, or the Teuben. Ugh. The name makes me want to barf, but the taste was remarkable.

Cheese fries! Not the best choice for you lactose-intolerant ones out there, but probably worth it anyway.

And the famous duck fat fries. I don't really even know what that means, but I would define it as "salty and more delicious than usual."

Check it: Hot Doug's!

You know, I've heard some negative talk about places like Hot Doug's, mostly people criticizing those who wait in line for so long just to eat hot dogs. Lame. Don't hate, haters! Not only is the food good, but it's all just so FUNNY. I mean, this place is called Hot Doug's; that's hilarious! It reminds me of Kuma's Corner, a burger place in Chicago where the menu is comprised mostly of burgers named after metal bands. You might end up waiting an hour or two for a table if you go on a Friday night, but so what? You're probably about to eat a burger called The Bongzilla, The Lair of the Minotaur, The Plague Bringer, or The Goblin Cock. That, too, is very funny! Plus, the burgers are damn good, and alls you need is some good friends and a few vodka drinks in you, and that hour or two just flies by. Before you know it, you'll be eating a Goblin Cock and all will be well in the world.

So stop your hating, wait in line for a little bit, and you'll earn your just desserts. You see, sometimes we do things for the experience, okay? And, in these cases, the experience results sexy results, i.e. Delicious Food. Come on now. Get with the program.

These were no Freedom Fries....they were French

2010-10-21T10:37:00.000-05:00

Ooh, look at me! I'm a big shot Frenchie with all this fancy French food! I pay no less than $40 for a burger!! I drink gallons and gallons of wine! I appreciate visual art! I'm so fancy!!!

I mean, come on! It's just supposed to be food, man! It doesn't have to be all decorated and accented and adorned. It just has to be delicious! Give me a break.

Yes, these were my complaints as my acquaintance dragged me to this "bistro" or "cafe" or something like that. They couldn't just call it a restaurant; apparently this classy joint had to have it's own title. "The Land of Hoity Toity," I call it. Damn. I just want a sandwich and some Doritos.

HOWEVER!!! The food WAS delicious! Who knew everything could taste so good AND look so good?? I mean, I love a good food-based presentation, but this really blew me away. I'm...I just don't know. It's hard to describe. It's like...the opposite of conceited. Not quite humbled. Not ashamed. I guess I'd have to say that I'm a tad impressed.

I'll tell you this, readers. You put some goat cheese up on a salad and it makes it a billion times better. Serve paté with pickles and you'll be able to choke it down. Call fries "pomme frites" and you'll class up the joint. Make your food taller, and apparently it tastes better. I'm amazed.

And by the way, brava on the blue cheese-topped sirloin, which I can only assume is the Frenchified Philly Cheesesteak. Brava.

I guess the Frenchies have something going for them after all. Besides snobbery. Jeez.
The giantest tomatoes I've ever seen or tasted.
There's the goat cheese! And it was warm!
Paté, gross. With other stuff, actually not bad.
Salmon. I left this one to my acquaintance. No thank you.
A simpler kind of salad - one with no goat cheese. That poor salad!
There's the French-style Philly cheesesteak! Blue cheese on a steak? Genius!
Lamb shank. Mmm...lamb. With one fancy potato chip sticking up out of the mashed potatoes. Double carbs!

Another kind of fish. Bored.

Lemon tart with raspberry sauce and a giant tall wafer for the kids.

Cappuccino. Maybe with some booze in it. You never know.

When you cut into this one, liquid chocolate comes spilling out. No, I'm totally serious.

If you're interested in tasting this deliciousness and dropping some ca$h money, all this food is from Chez Joel Bistro Français in Chicago. I highly recommend it and plan to try out the new brunch menu very soon.

Actually Trying: It's New, But It Could Be Good

2010-08-26T23:58:00.016-05:00

So here’s the thing. Did you know that food doesn’t have to be bought at a restaurant and cost a lot of money to be delicious? I know, crazy, right? I mean, we all know that the best foods are those prepared by others while we consumers of said food sit (or lay) around on comfy chairs or couches, watching old episodes of Behind the Music and Iron Chef until the food is placed directly in front of us. Or maybe even directly into our mouths! Now that would be something. You know why this is all so awesome? Because you don’t have to do any work. That’s why.

Well…I have recently found that this is not always the case. Sometimes, and I stress the some part of that word, because it’s for sure not all times, you can actually make some good food on your own. In your home. No, I’m serious! Like…you can go to the store and buy groceries and prepare and cook the food in your very own kitchen, and it can still taste good. On a recent visit to a colleague in Atlanta, GA, I learned a few things about food-related hard work and discipline. And cooking.

I know, I know. It sounds weird and modern and unappealing, doesn’t it? Down with new things! Boo to fun and trying!!! Well maybe you should quit your whining and naysaying and listen up for a change. Has Delicious Food ever steered you wrong in the past? I ask you!

Let’s start with drinks, or as I like to call them, dranks. Here we have what is known as a Living Room Happy Hour: lemonade, tequila, and ginger ale adorned by a yellow plastic monkey and green plastic mermaid. Yes, I was a big disgruntled that I couldn’t actually eat the plastic figures, or “effects,” as I like to call them, but the dranks made up for this disappointment. And made me forget all about it. And everything else as well, because man, they were boozey.

And here, at a separate Living Room Happy Hour, we have one of the more sophisticated dranks available here in America: Champagne. I, personally, prefer a classy Champale, or perhaps a nice André Pink Champagne, but I was a guest and didn’t want to complain. Ha, just kidding. I totally berated the server of this drink until she couldn’t take it anymore and punched me square in the mouth. Then we hugged and cried for a bit, and shared memories of better times while having some more Classy Drank. It all worked out in the end.

Okay, so…fruit. You know, fruit can actually be delicious sometimes. I do still believe that this is one food that is always going to be better when somebody else prepares it. But, and this is a first for me, this time I actually helped in this process! See those blueberries in the picture below? I washed those and stuck them in that bowl. For real, I did. It was a little annoying and tiring, but I didn’t suffer too greatly. I guess.

Now this, this is what I like to see! Plates full of cut up stuff. And a special bowl just for olives, with a special spoon that drains out the oil. Look at all the toppings! Think of all the possible combinations! Yes, there’s a bit of work involved here, as you have to assemble on your own (I know, it’s really intimidating, but just effing try for once, okay??), but it is totally delicious.

You know why these platters are so great? Because you get to pile it all on top of a bagel. Maybe there will even be various cheeses available to go between the bagel and toppings. And just think of the possible combinations you can make! Will it be brie, avocado, and red tomato? Or perhaps Bulgarian feta with cucumber, black tomato, and olives? WHO KNOWS, when you make your own food at home?! I know, crazy, right?? Jeez, I’m all riled up here.

Besides the bagels, you can have your choice of other breads, aka carbs. Carbs are so great, don’t you think? Here is a plate of brioche and foccacia, which are both just fancy words for “carbs.” CARBS!

On to the appetizers! Or appeteasers, if you like?!?! I take it back. I definitely don’t want you to like the word “appeteasers.” It’s really dumb. But what’s not dumb is the actual appetizers. Cut up vegetables and “pita puffs” (this food had time-traveled from the future, I’m pretty sure) to dip in hummus. These go well with Living Room Happy Hour.

What happens when we pan the picture back a bit? Oh, just more appetizers! No big deal. Those are some delicious pigs in a really nice blanket, a.k.a. cocktail wieners in a parmesan sprinkled puff pastry. And in the bowl: nuts. Plenty of nuts.

Okay, this next part was the most hardcore because it required the most work. Meat and vegetables were all involved in marinating, roasting, seasoning, mixing, dressing, and sautéing, among many other things. So many steps. For most of this preparation, I sat on a stool and watched. Sometimes, it’s more helpful to stay out of the way than to offer to help. Especially if you’re lazy or if you’re me. I entertained with my classy wit and charm, and by playing Foreigner songs on the iPod. Totally helpful. Whatever.

Here are some roasted vegetables, including sweet potato, parsnip, green onion, and kohlrabi. Yeah, a bunch of damn hippie food, I know. But it was pretty tasty.

This is a beet salad made with both purple and golden beets. I know what you’re thinking: too many vegetables, right? Well, this was a one-time thing, everybody, so stop all the hating. It tasted good.

Oh…uh…another salad. More vegetables. Again, it was a one time thing. Shut it.

Ah, there’s the meat! This is boneless pork chops in a soy/honey/balsamic sauce. Pictures of meat are not exactly my forte, so I’ll thank you to shut up about it and continue being entertained by my brilliance. I mean god, you know I do this for free, don’t you? Ya thankless jerks. Anyhow, the pork:

And the complete diner plate. You’ll notice that the beet salad was accompanied by goat cheese and there was some of the aforementioned carbs with a whole bunch of olive oil on it. And a pesto dip for dipping the roasted vegetables. See, now? Not all vegetables. You all are relentless.

And so, I hope you understand my point about this whole “homemade” trend that seems to be sweeping the nation. Yes, I had my doubts as well, but this food really was delicious. We all know, however, that no Delicious Food Expedition would be complete without a sampling of the local cuisine, so here you go! Foods that were made by others and eaten by me:

Pizza with tomato and basil

Salad with fresh mozzarella and balsamic dressing

Turkey panini with Caesar salad

TACOS! So many tacos. Tacos from afar

And tacos close up.

The Pièce de Résistance: a cinnamon/chocolate popsicle dipped in whipped cream vodka. Oh lord, beer me strength to go on living my life without having one of these every hour of every day...

And to close off this trip full of hard work and cooking and new things and crying and struggling and resisting and laughing and loving, my reward: a vanilla milkshake and chicken sandwich from Chik-fil-A. I mean, come on. I really deserved this.

North Cackalacka: Home of the Everything. All the Time.

2009-09-27T20:42:00.006-05:00

Oh. My. Word.

Do you know that I haven't made a blog in almost one year?? SO LAZY!!! I just can't help myself, dudes. I guess I could apologize, but really, I don't think I will. I mean, I know you all sit around, waiting for me to post new delicious pictures and new delicious blogs, and when I don't, it's like your entire soul is tortured and nothing in your life matters anymore. Am I right? I mean, you're pretty lucky to be reading this at all! So then, instead of apologizing for my extremely extended absence, I will instead say to you: You're Welcome. Let this be a gift to you, from an extremely generous giver. Me.

So one thing that I spent my time doing in the last year was traveling far and wide across the U.S. of A. Here's a little glimpse into one previously unvisited corner of the country: North Carolina. Man, these people know how to EAT! Seriously, I couldn't even tell you any of the other activities we did there. What matters is that we ate. Like, everything. And quite the variety! I had the pleasure of staying with an Italian. Who knows how to cook. AND! Who also knows how to go out to eat. What better combination in a woman?

Here are the pictures from my trip. Check the pics, forward my page, subscribe to the blog...basically, help me brag about how great I am! Wooo!

And as I sad before: You're Welcome.

xoxo, Delicious Food

A local delicacy called "coffee." I went out on a limb and put sugar and milk in mine. Delicious! Served with some sort of cheesy pastry.

Some sort of italian sub. It was so hard to stop eating in order to take this picture. That's why it's not a great picture.

So many beers...don't ask me what they all tasted like. Everything runs together. Booze is booze, man.

GIANT ONION RINGS!!!

Okay, so it's really just a tiny plate.

Turkey burger with montery jack cheese, sauteed veggies. I know, veggies are bogus sometimes. But dudes, we ate SO MUCH! Gimme a break!

Oh holy eff. NC Barbecue with coleslaw and Brunswick Stew. I...I can't even explain. My mouth waters. I grow faint with hunger and desire

Hush puppies! You put butter on this shit. I'm serious.

Chess pie. Who knew pie without chocolate or cherries could be so delicious? I think it's custard based. Oh, and sugar based.

So this was growing from a tree. After consulting the experts, we determined it was a caper. Hmm!

Homemade pizza, made my the Italian woman I stayed with. She made the dough herself, topped with olive oil, red and yellow tomatoes, and CHEESE!!!

I know you don't make friends with salad, but this one, I liked. I'm thinking it's the non-lettuce base.

Fruit! Uh...fruit.

Okay, so this was my monochromatic breakfast one morning. Omelette with white cheddar cheese and tasty onions. And cheese grits!

Black bean patties with eggs over medium and fresh salsa. And breakfast beer! Holy eff, these NCers do it up.

POUTINE. I'd eat this every day, but then I'd die by cholesterol.As in, my body would be made entirely of cholesterol.Delicious choleste

Angel hair pasta with homemade pesto. Again, made by the Italian lady.

I'm telling you, this whole "homemade" thing really started to catch on! I mean, when somebody else makes it. Not me. I'm too lazy.

These southerners are Crazy People.

It's Been Such a Long Time, I think I Must be Going... To the bathroom to vomit that is

2009-06-10T13:15:00.004-05:00

Dudes, dudes! I have had such a gross day based on unsolicited food suggestions from jackasses that I was moved (in addition to a certain other kind of movement) to share my outrage with you, my frenemies.

See, I was minding my own business checking my email, enjoying a lovely and fulfilling breakfast of Oikos Greek Yogurt with Honey when what flashed across my screen but a recipe for [wait for it] Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole.

Oh. my. GAWD. Unless you're talking creamed spinach or clotted cream you better keep the cream references outta my face! And then you add SPAM??? I am convinced that this recipe had to be paid for by Beloit, Wisconsin, aka the home of the Hormel factory that fills the whole town with Spam fragrance. Who else would think this is a good idea?? Grody to the max.

And then, while I was indulging in delicious 5 cheese tortellini with spinach and sauteed portobella mushrooms, I find again in my email box, That Thing in a Jar:

Here's the disgusting description: Put homemade coleslaw and smoked turkey in a jar. Drizzle a bit of organic apple juice for sweetening. Add a layer of chopped barbecue meat from the grill, drizzle with barbecue sauce (add a touch of organic honey), and top with a layer of mac ’n’ cheese. (Anderson suggests baked elbow mac with white cheddar and parmesan grated coarsely over the top.) Finish with a layer of crumbled cornbread.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This has to be a mistake. If there is anything beautiful left in this world somebody please better come and gag me with a spoon. You advertisers are making me start to hate food and for this YOU and your STUPID FACES WILL PAY. Yeah you heard me. Watch out, jerks. I'm coming, I'm hungry AND I'm nauseous.

Screw Flanders.

Surviving the Land of Seafood

2008-07-23T22:46:00.000-05:00

Hey there suckers! It's me, Delicious Food, gracing you with my delicious, generously kind, sexy-as-hell presence. Welcome to awesomeness, once again. You're not even going to believe my last adventure. Check this out...

My most recent travels took me to the Far East; in fact, I went as far east as New England! Thats pretty damn far, if you ask me. I had some business to attend to there, but as we've seen in the past, food would inevitably win out over business. A person's gotta eat, right? I've heard delicious rumors about the wonders of the East Coast cuisine, and I was ecstatic to go sample the local food. But I tell ya what, dudes. I should have done my research.

Did you even know that New England is famous for SEAFOOD??? What the hell? I mean, I know it's on the sea and everything, but damn. Who wants to be famous for seafood? I can't think of a more hated food, in my opinion at least. And where was all the English food? Did they leave it behind in Olde England? There was no bangers and mash to be found, no steak and kidney pie, nothing! What gives?

Thankfully, with the help of some fast thinking and creative minds (along with the irresistibly charming sparkle in my eye and sexy swagger in my walk), I was able to scrounge up a few bites to eat in the time I spent there. But it was a true challenge. One that not just anybody can take on. I'm lucky I got out alive...

My associate and I stumbled upon some deliciousness here and there, and I now like to think of this food as the staples of New England. You know...margaritas, nachos, fries, cookies...you get the idea. Regular People food. It's what us human beings like to eat. So it is with great confidence and pride that I say the following:

Sucks to you seafood. Sucks to you.

Check out the pictures and subscribe to the blog! Eat your heart out, bitches.

xoxo, Delicious Food

Eggs Florentine (fancy word for spinach) plus toast and Boston Baked Beans
Omelette with potatoes and bacon and sour cream and cheese and more beans. Beans in the morning = gassy all day long.
Baked artichoke dip that tasted mostly like cheese and garlic.
Grilled chicken sammie with cheese and avocado, and a side of sweet potato fries
An associate of mine sampled the crab cakes. It's the closest thing to seafood I'd eat. But I probably won't.
The classy version of Burger King's Italian Chicken Sandwich. Snobbery, I say.
Strawberry margarita. God, finally.
Mango margarita. Dessert to the strawberry one, which was the main course.
Chips and salsa, one of the more traditional New England foods.
A big ass pile of nachos.
Quesadilla. No shrimp in this, mind you. I'm not stupid.
Chocolate chip cookies. There's just no way to eff these up.
Oh, just a little street called SANDWICH ST!
And two separate towns, both called Sandwich! I'm glad SOMEbody in Nude England has some sense...

I tell you, man. I just cannot get behind an entire region that specializes in seafood. So, with that, I say sucks to you, not only seafood, but all of Nude England! I'm going to spend more time in the midwest, where cakes are made of batter and there are no shrimps hidden in my pasta. You know, normal things. Jeez.

The True Gourmet Cuisine: Fast Food and Chain Restaurants

2008-01-13T14:33:00.000-06:00

Okay, okay. Everybody quiet down. We need to have a talk. I've heard some of you talking around the water cooler, discussing something very important to me. Yes, my loyal readers, once again, the issue of Gourmet Cuisine has arisen. And I've got something to say.

First of all, it's time to get down off that pedestal of hoity-toity and snobbery. I mean, really. Look at you, up there on your gleaming tower of organic, grain-fed, vegan cuisine! Come off it, man! I've found something even better. And cheaper. In fact, maybe you too would have noticed it if you managed to take your head out of your free range BE-hind and look around you for once. Damn...I always have to do all the work around here.

Now, I know you're busy eating anything with the words "braised," "carmelized," "aged," "dry-aged," "truffled," "exotic," "ragout," "reduction," or "glazed," in it, but seriously dudes. come back down here to regular town, ya jackass! Wait, I take back one of those. I don't mind the word "glazed" if we're talking about a donut. "glazed carrots," however? not for me. I like regular people food.

There is no reason for you to be such a snob when the real secret to fine gourmet cuisine lies right in front of you on most main streets and definitely at every truck stop. You can find this kind of cuisine in any town, and it doesn't empty out your pockets (unlike certain Roasted Kona Kampachi with a Fennel-Pollen Crust that I know...). Undeserving readers, it is with great honor that i now present to you....FAST FOOD AND CHAIN RESTAURANTS.

My god. if you're looking for The Best of The Best, or as the French might say, La Crème de la Crème (you. are. a. snob. ...ya damn frenchy), look no further. I have been traveling again, this time to the four corners of the country. That's right...out east to a quaint little bistro with a clever name...TGI Friday's. Hilarious! South to Texas where i enjoyed my first ever Jack in the Box. West to California where I encountered the rare, but delicious, Taco Bell and Burger King. And North to Wisconsin, to visit...well...a place called Michael's. It's kind of the poor man's fast food...they serve "custard" instead of ice cream. what gives??!! I don't know...I guess I felt bad for them, so I included them.

Anyhow, let me tell you. THIS is the cuisine to be discussing at the water cooler! Did you know that at taco bell, you can get 4 burritos for about $3.50? And at Burger King, they have a $.99 menu. A WHOLE menu dedicated to only spending 99 cents! Now that's classy! And you don't even have to get up out of your car! If you're interested in a slightly more active dining experience, Chili's will be right up your alley. Now that is a classy joint. The booths are greasy so you can slide right in and out of them, no matter how much you eat! Plus, all of this food is truly delicious. I think the cooks, or sous-chefs, if you prefer (give me a BREAK), must add little something-somethings to their food. Perhaps some kind of...oh, I don't know...additives? addictive substances? chemicals? animal parts? Whatever the magic ingredient, I know it's wonderful.

See for yourselves! And then go get me a Sausage McMuffin. They only serve breakfast til 10:30 though, so you'll have to hurry up.

xoxo, delicious food

fountain cokes and fries...what more could a girl ask for, really?

if i showed you what was under the wrapper, vegetarians wouldn't exist

a beacon of light in the middle of a 1000 mile drive.

ultimate cheeseburger...its blurry because i had the hunger shakes

chicken sammie...blurry again from the ole shakes.

green beans = boring. FRIED green beans = delicious!

each nacho is individually topped. no fighting for toppings here.

sick. who would even eat this? this is embarassing...

that is a bucket of cheese in which to dip your cheeseburger.

chicago dog. it comes close.

peanut butter sundae from michaels...the poor man's chain restaurant.

BOSTOM EFFING MARKET! these'll give you the indigestion.

fries from wendy's are fat. because they make you fat.

ooh! chicken crispers from chili's! great whilst high.

you pick 3. ribs, chicken, shrimps (ew), potatoes, and broccoli. damn.

"healthy choice" FRIED CHICKEN salad. with ranch, most likely.

the size of a meximelt is often compared to that of a human turd.

that would be meat, cheese, sauce, onions...all your basics.

the real king

delicious food's second greatest hit - "precious foods"

2007-12-13T14:51:00.001-06:00

here it is, jerks! delicious food has written a follow up to the number one greatest hit, "Deep Fried." I must admit, my mood was very different for this one. "Deep Fried" reflected much of my happiness regarding delicious food, and the wonderful experiences surrounding it. Last night, however, my mood was darker, deeper...more desperate. Dark enough, in fact, to be inspired Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos of all things. and that, my friends, is some dark shit. at least if you're 15. which i'm not. i'm just sayin'...

call it an angry, angst-filled rant. call it my proverbial cry for help. call it brilliance (actually i would prefer if you call it brilliance. let's be honest here, most of what i write is pure brilliance). call it what you will. frankly, i call it greatness. i call it....

"Precious Foods"

So I ate fasterbut it caught me here. Yes my stomach turnedlike the yogurt up in the fridge. Right next to the pickles, underneath the mayonaise.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.

He said youre really a hungry girl...and I like the way you chew. And I died. But I thanked him. Can you believe it? I chomp, chomp, holding on to that chicken, that chicken leg.

I wanna smash my face in, into that beautiful cake, that birthday cake, so you can make me eat, that doesnt make you je-e-sus.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.

I remember grits in my peach cobbler days, no one cared, no one dared to tell me where the collard greens are...those butter beans.with their sweet iced tea and little butter biscuits tucked inside the picnic basket of my heart.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.

Precious...precious

xoxo, delicious food

The Opposite of Delicious is "Milk Teeth"

2007-11-27T18:55:00.000-06:00

god. i am pissed.

if there's one thing i can't stand, its when people ruin food. now, i'm not just talking about the basic stuff, like when people put coconut on a perfectly good fruit salad, or when somebody puts BRAN in a banana bread, or like when somebody hides a pill in your applesauce...jeez! what the eff? i mean that's bad enough. but listen up people! i recently witnessed the worst of the worst, the grossest of the gross, the one thing that almost pushed me over the edge. i was so pissed off i couldn't even eat. i mean, i couldn't even EAT. You know why? because for some ungodly, stupid ass reason, people are making food that looks like a different food. sick. blech.

okay, let me explain. i'm a bit flustered and confused, and my usually elegant and brilliant wordplay is somewhat lacking, i must admit. But you'd be in a state too if you'd seen what i saw! people are taking one kind of food and making it look like something else! like this one...and i shudder even to write it....GUMMY FRIED EGGS. do they taste like fried eggs? No. are they made of egg? No, they're gummy. are they the grossest thing you'll ever see in your life? Fuck Yes.

i don't even know what everyone's problem is. jerks. try to make me go off the food. i'll show you. i'll show you all. anyhow, as usual, come see the pictures. and get ready to vomit. I don’t even want to TELL you about "milk teeth." excuse me. I'm vomitting right now.

GROSS

SICK

WHO WANTS TO EAT GLASS???

NOT IF YOU PAID ME IN MEATBALLS!

Moderately less offensive. STILL SOMEWHAT OFFENSIVE THOUGH.

SNAKES??? I'm VOMITTING!!!!

The 2 Most Requested Halloween Recipes

2007-10-30T16:30:00.000-05:00

You greedy little goblins didn't get enough on Saturday night, did ya? You want more of the delicious food from the Halloween party, do ya? Well make it yourself!

MONKEY BREAD!
This stuff is delicious and always a hit at parties. Rather than slicing, it should be pulled apart and eaten with hands like a monkey. I sometimes prepare it ahead of time and then just bake it an hour before I want to serve it.

2 cans of refrigerated biscuits (10 pack, any flavor)
2 Tbs cinnamon
2 Tbs sugar
1 stick of butter/margarine
1 cup of brown sugar

Preheat oven to 375. Non-stick spray a bundt cake pan. Mix cinnamon and sugar in a ziploc baggie. Cut biscuits into quarters. Toss biscuit quarters (4-6 at a time) into the baggie and shake until pieces are covered with cinnamon sugar mixture. Remove from baggie and throw in the bundt pan on top of each other. Melt the butter/margarine in a separate bowl. Stir the brown sugar in well. Pour the butter/brown sugar mixture over the biscuits in the pan. Tilt the pan back and forth so that the mixture moves into nooks and crannies.

Bake at 375 for 3-35 minutes. Immediately after removing from oven, turn the pan upside-down onto a plate. Best when baked shortly before being served.

BUFFALO CHICKEN DIP!

courtesy of the lovely Tiffani- thanks girl!

4 boneless chicken breast cooked and shredded into pieces
1 container of cream cheese
1 8oz bottle of ranch dressing
1 8oz bottle of Texas Pete Buffalo Wing Sauce
3 cups of mozzarella and cheddar cheese

Just cook and shred the chicken, add the remaining ingredients, placing a portion of the shredded cheese on top and cook in the oven until bubbly and warm. Serve with celery, carrots and chips!

Spooktacular and Tantalizing!

2007-10-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

So I just flew back to Sandwich, Illinois, and boy is my stomach tired. And full. And broken, kind of. This somewhat satisfying, but more so horrifyingly uncomfortable, condition is a direct result of yet another crashed party. That’s right, jerks. Since there was nothing good happening anywhere nearby ever in life (no thanks to you, my lazy ass “fans”), I invited my damn self to a spectacular Halloween party in Hotlanta, Georgia. Or should I say “spooktacular?” No, I agree. I don’t want to sound like a total knob. I’ll stick to spectacular.

And spectacular it was. The table was heavy with vittles; dips, chips, carbs, and cupcakes abounded. Tiny sandwiches were made with spinach dip and triangles of rye bread. There were appearances of foreign foods from several different lands, beyond even the Midwest. My famous “Stew” was created once again when I placed crushed up barbecue potato chips on top of the spinach and tomato couscous and ate it with a fork. Yeah, that’s right. You don’t even know me. This party rocked.

The one complaint I had was all the waste. I swear, one girl spilled four drinks all by herself within about seven minutes. For real? I mean, for REAL? God. Anyhow, there was also the incident with the tray of vodka-infused jello. You see, the bottom layer, or “skin,” if you will, was extremely hard and chewy, so people were just eating the top and throwing the gross part out in the yard. I understand being disgusted by certain things, i.e. certain curry flavors, funny bites of chicken, seafood in general (sick, guys). But really, this was just jello! What a waste…what a shame.

Oh, and one last thing. I love Burger King as much as the next guy, but when somebody showed up dressed up as the king, I just about lost it. I HATE that king! I couldn’t even look at his stupid monkey face. Not a good representative of the delicious burgers they sell, my friends. Not at all.

Besides the obvious stupidity and creepiness described above so eloquently, I have to say…this was a damn good party. And you missed it. Suckers. That’s what you get for being such suckers. I would strongly suggest coming to see the new pictures. I mean, it won’t even be close, I can guarantee that. But it’ll be as close as you jerks will ever get. Damn. What would you even do without me?

Xoxo, delicious food

P.S. There were a few other VERY delicious dishes --- Monkey Bread and Buffalo Chicken Dip to name a couple -- that did not get photographed becuase my dears, I overindulged on the hard stuff and lost my camera for awhile. Apologies for this act of neglect!

A cupcake tribute to the Chicago Bears

Ceasar Salad with fresh parmesean

Dolma (stuffed grapeleaves) and lemon slices

Black bean and corn salsa

Frankenstein Cookies (courtesy of A Bustle in a Hedgerow and A Spring clean for the May Queen)

Bruschetta on toast

Hummus with olive oil

Spinach dip with pretzel chips

veggie tray with ranch dressing

macaroni and cheese with tomatoes and peas

Couscous with spinach, tomatoes, and melted cheese

Mozzarella Cheese Sticks with Marinara Sauce (also delicious with CoolWip when in a munchie mood)

A cheese and ham party platter - a surprise from the sexiest Black Widow I've ever seen.

Life saving yogurt-covered pretzels - there was a rumor that one of the party hosts ate nothing but these and snap peas all night.

A Skeleton and Martian cake - dreadful! A delightful contribution from the Pearly Gates AND the Fires of Hell

"Deep Fried" a song by delicious food

2007-10-01T14:17:00.000-05:00

(sing to the tune of "When Doves Cry")

dig, if you will, a picture of you and i with kabob, shish. the smell of a barbecue covers me. can you, my darling, can you picture shish?

dream, if you can, a sandwich. layers and layers of cheese. add some guacamole and tomatoes. don't make me taste you without a touch of mayoneese.

how can you just leave me standing alone without beer that's cold? maybe i'm just too demanding. maybe i'm just like fresh pizza dough, just rolled. maybe i'm just like a hunger that's never satisfied. why can't we eat with each other? this is what life tastes like...deep fried.

touch, if you will, my stomach. feel how it trembles inside. you've got the appetizers tied up. don't make me chase you, at least pass me a side.

how can you just leave me standing alone with a plate full of mold. maybe i'm just too demanding. maybe i like my gazpacho icy cold. maybe i'm just like my brother. he prefers rice noodles, wide. why can't we eat with each other? this is what life tastes like...deep fried.

ooh deep fried.

Happy Delicious New Year!

2007-09-13T14:44:00.000-05:00

Sisters and Brothers,

I was very happy and surprised to be invited to a lovely dinner party in honor of Rosh Hashanah. Happy because the evening was filled with enough delicious dishes to satisfy even the toughest Jewish mother; surprised because my passive-aggression has tended more towards aggression lately and invitations have subsequently declined…. jerks.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, the symbolic anniversary of the creation of the world. Jewish tradition sees everyone as being created anew at this time every year. So boys and girls, even though your dear Delicious Food is more of the Goyim persuasion, I too get a second chance to quit my kvetching and stop being such a schmuck.

Delicious Food is thankful that our lovely host scrapped the more traditional New Year Food like the heads of gefilte fish and tzimmes (stewed carrots with prunes… Oy Gavalt!!!). Instead, we ate sweet foods like noodle kugel and apple pie as a symbol of our wish for a sweet year. We dined like kings and queens; my belly is still full.

Be a mensch and check out the new pictures. Shana Tova!

Challah, hand braided. Makes me think of the Sex in the CIty episode when Charlotte is trying to become a Jew: "I have to braid the CHAAALLLLAAAH!" Whiny prat.

Noodle Kugel. Sweet AND Savory.

Roasted sweet potatoes and beets. The colors evoke the beaty of autumntime- well, before you eat them that is. The other end isn't so pretty. Yeah I'm talking about poo.

Pear, feta an walnut salad

Devilled eggs with paprika and fresh basil

Roast chicken and asparagus

Plate of deliciousness

Inside out Apple Pie

The beautiful dinner table complete with delicious wine.

xoxo, delicious food

Memorial No More(ial)

2007-06-12T14:39:00.000-05:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet you thought it would be a real memorial. I bet you thought I was gone forever. A faint memory in the sea of deliciousness...a lingering taste in your mouth from the last bite...mere steam rising from a, oh I don't know, soup tureen, I guess.

Well, stand corrected, jerks! 'Tis a memorial no more! I am back, and so much better than ever. After Thanksgiving, I went into hiding. You see, Thanksgiving 2006 was somewhat disappointing; while the appetizers varied slightly from years past, the entrees were nothing new, nothing special. In fact, I could have listed the main courses before I even saw them. Same old, same old. Every year, its the same old.

I thought I had lost my taste for life, my flavor for food, my passion for passionfruit. I needed a boost, my friends, a pick-me-up like none other. and finally, that boost happened. I attended a Memorial Day Barbecue.As I have learned, the term "barbecue" varies greatly dependent on one's location. Some call it a Barbecue. Some call it a grill out. Some say BBQ. Some simply prefer "sausage fest." whatever your personal opinion, its all pretty much the same. delicious food at a delicious price. free!

And so, my friends, I welcome you back to my life of deliciousness, my impeccably beautiful pictures and descriptions, my food-inspired heaven. while i believe this unbelievable phenomenon should probably be v.i.p. members/by invite only, I guess I'll make a few exceptions. this time. next time, though, watch out. You better impress me.

And that, my friends, takes a lot of moxy. Or, you know, a lot of sausage.

these are called cheddarwurst. yeah, there's cheese inside.

homemade ribs, fools!

these are brats. cooked in beer. maybe you've heard of them?

spinach salad with craisins and candied walnuts. sexy!!!

garnish. relish. cherish.

couscous with spinach and tomatoes. no meat in here!

BUNS! these are various buns! the meat goes in the buns! HAHAHAHA!

potato and beet salad. its so pink! tastes even better when 3 days old.

chicken and lamb kabobs. there's liver in between if you look closely.

pickled things. these are very tasty at the end of the meal.

xxoo, delicious food

My New Home

2007-06-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

Did you miss me? When I was gone, did you miss me? Well I didn't really miss any of you, considering I never get any love anymore. Really, my message inbox is constantly empty, my comments are seriously lacking...even my hate mail and threatening letters have dwindled to practically nothing. Bitch bitch bitch.

Anyhow, I highly doubt you even NOTICED I was gone, but I was. My most recent search for delicious food took me abroad, pals, and let me tell you, it was quite a journey. I'm back at my new home here on Blogger but I promise to continue to visit my old home on MySpace.

Realizing that I had to make myself more available to my fans was truly a humbling experience. A delicious, humbling, international, internationally acclaimed experience. Now I truly encourage you to stay and see the pictures, check out the blog, and for god's sake, give me some love.

I got love in far-off MySpace, why can't I get it here?

xoxo, delicious food